As I write, the sunlight streaming through the windows is slightly deceptive in its promise of spring. We’ve had the pleasure of several warm days and the snowdrops and crocuses are appearing in welcome clumps across the yard, but now we’re back to chilly nights and keeping vigil over the coal stove for at least the next couple of weeks. My growing mid-section offers another promise — less deceptive — of budding life, nearly ready to blossom.
With my older two at the beginning of their homeschool journeys, and a baby on the way, the reality hits me: how quickly seasons change. I think I’ve always been prone to mourn transitions and worry over whether I’m doing well enough (as a student, daughter, wife, mom, etc) in the present. Certainly, the general sentiment of “you’re going to miss these days” is one I hear over and over, making me anxiously wonder if I’m enjoying the little years enough.
At the same time… the mom of littles thing can be hard to enjoy. There’s a constant battle with exhaustion, household giants that need regular slaying, whack-a-mole discipline issues, not to mention just trying to keep everyone healthy for two consecutive weeks. Rejoicing in the sheer amount of work feels dishonest, if not absurd, particularly when you’re pregnant and fighting back nausea for months at a time. (Surely, too, I know others in harder life seasons and circumstances that make joy/gratitude seem further unlikely.)
I felt like the Lord nudged me earlier this week, though, that it isn’t about giving thanks so much over circumstances, as in (during, throughout) the circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) And more specifically, while the stacks of crusty dishes are disheartening, I can very much enjoy and give thanks for the people in my home that made them. The slight mental shift to enjoying people — particularly my husband and kids — makes gratitude so much more genuine than trying to scrape together enough positivity to not-hate the stinky load of laundry I’m rerunning for the third time.
And granted, we have some unlovely moments as people. I’m probably the unloveliest of the bunch lately. (Y’all, there’s nothing worse than being the ungracious mama and knowing it.) When you’re a parent serving your kids in all of the humbling ways, it’s a struggle to view them as little souls rather than tasks that need to be completed.
But life is so much richer when we’re relationship-oriented — of course, firstly in relation to God, but closely followed by the relationships with people placed in our immediate care. Suddenly, the mundane holds eternal value; as I can regard those I serve as gifts from the Lord, I can honestly offer up prosaic services for them as gifts to the Lord.
I love the book Stepping Heavenward by E. Prentiss, because she so beautifully captures the Christian walk of a very relatable woman. She also quotes a multitude of classic Christian writers from before her time, and among these I found this relevant gem:
” ‘How shall I offer my purely indifferent actions to God…The most indifferent actions cease to be such, and become good as soon as one performs them with the intention of conforming one’s self in them to the will of God…
…It is enough to lift the soul one instant to God, to make a simple offering of it.‘ “
–Stepping Heavenward, E. Prentiss
I don’t need to worry about positivity, or fret about feeling grateful. It’s a waste of precious mental resources to panic over the long days are somehow flying by, upset that I’m somehow missing out on something elusive. Even without time for long bouts of prayer, I can lift my soul one instant to God, as many times a day as I like; I can thank Him for His goodness and thank Him for the people in my life. It makes an eternal difference.