“We’re engaged, which means we’re already committed like we’re married.”
“We’d better live together first to make sure we’re compatible enough for marriage. Everyone else is, anyway.”
“I don’t want our first time to be on our wedding night – how awkward would that be?”
“We’re only a couple weeks out from our wedding. It doesn’t matter.”
Coming into my teen years in a Christian, homeschool community, I sat through many a lecture/sermon on abstinence. The topic was covered from a variety of angles on Sunday morning, at the homeschool convention, during youth group, throughout young women’s retreats, and in its fair share of Christian books for teens. I wore my purity ring, kissed dating goodbye, and got all relevant information on men from the most reliable source on the market, For Young Women Only. I abhorred the passion and embraced the purity. My love was true, so darn it all, it was going to wait. And yet (dare I say?), by the time I was getting ready to say “I do”, I could understand why the justifications offered above can suck people in.
Maybe I just missed it as a teen, but as I recall, rarely did any of the resources on “sexual purity” get to the heart of why Scriptural living is paramount. Why it’s worth it to resist the Devil and zealously pursue righteous living. As I found out, sooner or later, even the most sheltered youth come to realize the world is pointing and laughing at our so-called uptight morals and narrow-mindedness. They tell us that we’re missing opportunities to explore and experiment. And folks, I’m here to tell you, Satan is a very convincing liar.
It isn’t enough to teach that sin is only fun for a season. It’s a lie to say it isn’t fun at all – and if you tell that lie, it will make for distrust that goes beyond this single topic. It isn’t enough to lay out natural, physical consequences for disregarding God’s rules for sex. Sure, you could get pregnant or contract an STD or your parents/church/community could find out and disown you. But none of that is the point.
There’s only one consequence worth teaching about and we can be sure of its happening 100% of the time, as the result of any sin. When we disobey God’s law, we damage our relationship with our loving, heavenly Father.
When you live outside of biblical boundaries, you not only grieve the Holy Spirit indwelling you, (Ephesians 4:17-32) but you render your prayer life ineffective. Yes, sin does that! (Psalm 66:16-19) And the worst part is, the sweet, thrilling fellowship we enjoy with Christ cannot be as it was intended. 1 John 1:5-7 reads as follows:
“This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
The passage has both the bad news and the good news. You can’t walk in darkness and fellowship with God. But the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin and so we need not walk in darkness any more.
It takes courage to say no – especially to someone you love. It takes courage to treat sex as a holy part of marriage, rather than the casual, physical pleasure the world presents it as. But Christ calls and equips Christians to live differently.
As a married woman, I’ve got news for you: nothing is as crippling to your relationship with your spouse as having a half-hearted relationship with Christ. Whether you’re making plans to walk down the aisle a few weeks from now or you’ve only been on a few dates, let your love be God-honoring so that whatever comes of it, you have drawn closer to the Lord as the result of having been in the company of one another.
I write this because my heart is for other Christians (other young Christians, especially) to know God personally and deeply. And I am so tired of seeing Satan ruin lives under the guise of romance, using Christians to do his dirty work, laming other Christians so that they cannot run the race set before them. (Hebrews 12:1) But God promises to chastise us, “that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” (Hebrews 12:13)
Don’t buy into the lie that because your sin is already forgiven it doesn’t affect your walk with God. Repent. Draw near to Him and experience His tender mercy and lovingkindness and sin no more.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1-3)
2 thoughts on “Why Abstinence Matters”
Great insight! Very well put together and written!
Thank you, Chloe! Beautifully said.