If you’ve spoken to me recently, you probably know that we’re in the middle of a sleep crisis. My sweet baby boy, in spite of being a pretty easy kid in all other aspects, hasn’t slept through the night since day one. And believe you me, it’s not for lack of trying the many schools of thought that exist!
For the last month, about 5+ hours of my day have been tied up in getting and keeping this child asleep. (Note: this does not include the additional time spent nursing and begging him to eat some solids, any solids, please Lord hear this mama’s prayers.) As a result, my to do list has been a little stagnant and my home is looking decidedly lived-in. Right now, we’re staying very close to home as I try for the umpteenth time to establish a set-in-stone nap time, which will supposedly put an end to the nighttime nonsense. There’s an Indian saying, “children tie the mother’s feet,” (more on that in a minute) and I’d always resented the thought. In some arrogance born of premotherhood ignorance, I was sure that I’d do it differently. Yet, here I am, recklessly neglecting chores as my son naps because anything other than typing (in the next room, mind you) is likely to wake the little sleeper.
But the funny thing is, although it’s been frustrating, it’s also been really good. I’ve been strategically placing some Christian living books near the couch (because why would any kid want to enjoy the spacious, memory foam queen bed?) and cuing up Bible reading on my phone. When I curl up with David for a couple of hours (did I mention he doesn’t sleep by himself?), I get my quiet time with the Lord. I may even get to take up some other expedient reading. Midnight wakings become opportunity for prayer, assuming I’m conscious enough. Sometimes I get to nap a little with my son, which is also a huge blessing when we’re still doing 4-5 wakings at night.
But God is slowing me down. I mean, sloooooooowing me down. He has both reins in hand and is leaning against my donkey-stubborn nature, telling me through the pressure of motherly responsibility to find new ways to be still and know this: He is still sovereign and Almighty God. Selah. (Psalm 46:10)
Meditate on that. Soak it up. And in His infinite grace and goodness, provided I daily choose to abide in Him, I am serving Him no less than I ever have. He takes my VERY humble offerings (think diaper changes, people) and counts them as service rendered unto the least of these. The cup of water I get for David or the (fiftieth of the day) clean shirt I help him into is rendered service to Christ Himself (Matthew 25:34-40). If that’s at the forefront of my mind, how can I grow weary in well doing? When we are promised, “…for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9) how can I be discouraged?
We reap not only the temporal reward of the great joys amidst the difficulties of parenthood (Psalm 127:3), nor even just the eternal reward of the treasure God stores up for us in heaven (Matthew 6:19-20); we are promised that as we train up our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). By the grace of God, through faith, (Ephesians 2:8) little souls are being added to the kingdom of God. Wow.
Isaiah 40:11 says that our Good Shepherd gently leads those of us with young. Praise God. Ladies, I don’t know about you, but for me in the here-and-now, that is some good news. I feel lately that God wrote Psalm 23 for this season in my life; He’s making me lie down in green pastures (on the couch), leading me beside the still waters (or not-so-still during bath time), and my soul is being restored. I’ve about as much right to complain about that as the Israelites had to complain about gathering mana each morning. (Exodus 16)
Getting back to that quote about children tying up mothers (or something like that)… I think I recall reading it in A Chance to Die by Elizabeth Elliot, although it originally came from a book called Gold Cord by Amy Carmichael. Ms. Carmichael was a 19th century missionary to India who cared for hundreds of children during her lifetime. She wrote the following as she gave up her traveling ministry to care for little ones:
Children tie the mother’s feet, the Tamils say… We knew we could not be too careful of our children’s earliest years. So we let our feet be tied for the love of Him whose feet were pierced.”
At present, my life is relatively simple; help one little boy and one good man to live healthy, happy, holy lives. This is what Christ has trusted me with for now. I can only assume that things will only get more complex as we continue to grow our family. But whether I’m given one talent or five, I know that I long to hear the words “well done, good and faithful servant…enter in to the joy of the Lord.” (Matthew 25:23) My heart is the determining factor in that:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24
However mundane or chaotic your day, take heart: we are serving the Lord Christ. (And incidentally, an early happy Mother’s Day to you.)
Update/afterthought: This post was written over several nap times (mostly on my phone) and edited whilst my dear husband took over bedtime one night. Sleeping is going much better thanks to the prayers of many kind mama friends who know that the struggle is real. But all this to say, if I ever write like I have my life together, remind me that it takes me two weeks to write a few hundred words and that I have a bruise on my leg from that time I was trying to fill out an application and my kid bit me. Then we’ll have a good laugh about ridiculous life circumstances and get back to our (heavenly) business of discipling tiny humans and being discipled ourselves. 🙂