You’ll have to take what I say with a grain of salt–today is our first year anniversary and we’re currently recovering from a delightful, overly-indulgent dinner. I’m a little nostalgic (“Ooh, this time last year I was waking up at 4am, horribly sick…and by this time we were taking pictures on the lake with -15 windchill!”) and waxing loquacious on my very full stomach (I don’t know what TGIF puts in its mashed potatoes, but they are good).
I’ve heard a lot of people say that the first year is the hardest–expectations are high and a lot of adjustments need to be made. For us, I have no idea what the future years hold, but if this is the hardest then we’re awful spoiled.
I will say, however, that I see other people a bit like mirrors. I learn a lot about myself, and the closer I get to another person the more zits I see on my face. Metaphorically speaking. And now that I’m married, more than ever my “coverup” doesn’t seem to cut it. It’s good. And I hate it sometimes. God has been very good to use my husband to both bring out and balance out my shortcomings. (And my husband has been very good to forgive and love me in spite of myself.)
And the advice from this married newbie: take care of each other first, and also take care of yourself. When life is crazy busy, having your spouse set up the coffee machine after you go to bed or lay out your work clothes for you says “I love you” in a practical way that brief interactions cannot. As for the second piece of advice… well, my mantra has become “I am not upset, I am hungry.” And it’s my responsibility to keep myself out of the danger zone. I’ll leave it at that.
I love the verse in Ecclesiastes 4 that talks about how it’s better to have a partner in life, because then if one falls the other can help him up. Thanks for helping me along, Matt. It’s been a great first year.
3 thoughts on “Marriage Advice from a N00b”
This is an insightful post. I’ve heard a lot about how expectations can ruin marriages and relationships. My boyfriend and I were recently talking about how we needed to spend more time building our relationship on friendship. Making sure that we aren’t assuming things or expecting something from the other person. God is good and has been faithful to us and it is encouraging to see how he has brought you through you’re first year of marriage. 🙂
Thank you. 🙂 We spent a year or two as “just” friends first and another 4+ in a long distance relationship–as impatient as I was, it was such a blessing. It felt so natural to move from a close romantic friendship (is that a thing?) to married couple. I wish you the best in your relationship!
Thank you! We spent 4 years in the “just friends” camp and have been more officially dating for almost 2. I definitely think a close romantic friendship is a thing 🙂 Thank you!